[Shayne] We freaking *bleeped out* so hard
(Laughter off camera) [Shayne] so hard… so freakin hard, dude *The Challenge Pit Intro Sounds* [Oliva] Give me a G, give me a U, give me a
[Courntey and Oliva] S [Oliva] give me a S, give me a Y [Keith] Did you just say?
[Shayne] Just one “S” [Keith] Hold on, did she just spell Gussy?
[Gus] Gussy? [Shayne] ~Gussy~
[Keith] Has anybody ever called you Gussy? [Gus] No. I get uh, Fernicus a lot though.
[Courtney] Wooow! [Gus] Doesn’t make a lot of sense.
[Shayne] Do you ever get Gustifer? [Gus] Oh, I get Gustifer, yeah.
[Shayne and Keith] Nice. [Olivia] Do people ever mistaken you from the Johnson and Johnson? [Gus] The Johnson Johnson? The baby oil company?
[Oliva] Yeah. [Gus] Daily
[Courtney] Yeah dude. [Shayne] Do you ever- Do you ever get Gussel Crowe? [Gus, uncomfortably] I have a thing that uhh….I gotta go (Laughter) [Shayne] How funny would that be if he left right now? (Courtney laughs) And we just continued? [Shayne] Try not to leave challenge
[Courtney] Ahhhhhhhh [Courtney] Alright, you what it is! Try not to laugh! [Courtney] We got Gus Johnson! Back in the game!
(Cheering and gun shots) [Shayne] He crushed it last time.
[Oliva] Crushed it. [Oliva] He crushed us sooo hard [Shayne] Ok, so the rules are simple.
(Laughter) [Shayne] Uh… You get 30 seconds. Uh. You have water in your mouth, don’t spit it out. [Shayne] Everyone gets a chance to make you laugh.
[Keith] Yeah! [Shayne] Alright.
[Courtney] But no touching. [Keith] Can I go first?
[Shayne] Keith’s going first.
[Keith] Yup. [Courtney in Jojo Siwa’s voice] Hey everyone! It’s Jojo and today we’re (success noise, laughter of camera) gonna be doing a clothing haul. [Court, continuing] Forever 21. My jacket
[Keith] Stop (Courtney continues rambling) [Courtney] Let’s put it on! (Laughter off camera) [Keith] You got it! Go! Get out of here! [Courtney in her regular voice] No I gotta put it on.
[Keith] No No, stop! It’s not gonna fit! You’re gonna ruin it! (Gus falls, success noise) [Gus] Oh no. (baby falls) I just got an a-board-tion. (Laughter off camera and clapping) [Keith while laughing] I’m sorry, it got all on you.
[Gus] Yeah you think your sorry, I lost a kid. [Olivia] I am here to tell you more lobster jokes. What did Lobster 1…say…to Lobster 2’s hat? ([Keith] ??) [Olivia] “It’s lobsided (Lopsided)” (Keith chuckles at bad pun) [Olivia] What did Lobster 1 tell Lobster 2 to do? ([Keith] ??) [Olivia] “You should be a lobrarian (librarian)!” (More chuckles) [Olivia] What do you call it when a uhh…Lobster 1 steals from Lobster 2? ([Keith] ??) [Olivia] “You lobbed (robbed) me!” (Loud buzzer noise signaling that Olivia failed) [Shayne] Oh my God, you’re okay! You’re fiiine!! (Everyone in the background laughs) [Shayne] JeSsIcA! I told you not to let the baby do shots!! (Success noise) [S]: You’re alriiight….you’re okay She’s TrAsHeD!1!! (Laughter continues in the background) [Keith] I have to give it to Gus, and only reason was because his ass was up… I don’t know what it was about his ass that was funny.. but…([Shayne] It’s the key.)
[Courtney] Tip to making Keith laugh: Throw ass. (Every one says “throw ass”) [Courtney, in an announcer’s voice] Welcome back to the Zoo Bachelor! Wow! Davis is really nervous, it’s Hometown’s week, [C] And Becca–her parents are not together… but they– Oh no! WOoOoOHh! WOah!1!! *kiss* Oh, WoAh!l…….woah. (Kissing Sequence that would put every romance movie to shame) [Courtney, as a Bachelor] “Oh, sorry…I not going to give you a rose..” *gasp followed by internal screaming* (Screaming continues) (Buzzer Sounds) [Courtney] …What?? [Keith] Did you dab? (Olivia chuckles)…Did you really just dab? I don’t even want to do this anymore, like, this sucks! Like, you just let me all the way down (everyone laughs) [K] I was gonna come up with some Lobster jokes, but you just dabbed. you are NOT my friend [Keith, still ranting] You suck, you are the worst person in this room Like… if you could just go around right now, you will see Olivia is the worst person in this room (Buzzer sounds as Olivia continues to use a dead meme) [Keith] Oh My God! I don’t want to do this.. [Courtney] Don’t. You don’t have to do this
[Keith continuing to complain] Can you tell her how much she sucks, girl? [Courtney] Yeah… You, like, SuUuCk dude! you suuuUUUCK!1! You freakin’ dabbed, dude?! It’s freakin’ 2018! (Buzzer sounds as she dabs rebelliously) [Court] WHAT THE HELL was that, dude? *Buzzer continues to go off everytime (Olivia dabs as Keith and Courtney yell) [Courtney] I tried man, I tried… (The wild Olivia then proceeds to do the shoot) [Keith] I cannot… (Buzzer sounds as everyone laughs) [Gus] This is called: “A Meeting Between The Parents of Young Christopher Walken” [Gus, while impersonating Walken] MoOoMm! I’m-I’m hungry! (Everyone starts to laugh to themselves) So, why don’t you do us both a FaAvor Whip out those baZOOMbas (Laughs grow a little louder) Let me have a little……*R-rated slurping sounds* *Success noise as everyone laughs* [Gus, getting into the act] I’m-a very thirsty I’m your ChILd…(Everyone continues to laugh) don’t do this to me! [G] Please, Mom! I was in “Catch Me If You Can” you can’t do this! [Gus talking to Courtney in Walken’s voice] He was! He was the FaAther, Look it up! (Everyone keeps laughing) [G] ThAt’ll do for now! (The crew laughs) [Shayne] I don’t know how to make you laugh but I know someone who does…hold on! *Shayne’s phone trills* [Shayne] wait! Dude, relax. (Phone continues to trill) [Shayne, sighing at the incoming failure of his skit] just, chill out! (Olivia breaks and the success noise starts) [Shayne] Dang it! [Courtney] He pressed ignore, dude! [C] That was only, like, 3 rings [Shayne] Your boyfriend just ignored me (Everyone laughs) [Shayne] But I made you laugh (Olivia nods in agreement) [S] Well…..*disappointed* Great… (Olivia spits out water in laughter as Court chuckles) [Shayne] I think that’s the first time I’ve made you laugh in a long time… [Olivia] No, you always make me laugh! [Shayne] That’s DEFINITELY not true. [Olivia] You make me laugh every single day! [Keith] Aaaaaah! She’s just saying, like, yeah.. [Shayne] She’s being like a Hallmark card… *Courtney burps* [Olivia] I have to say–Shayne, you know, it’s the little subtle things that you do with the arm that make me laugh… [Shayne, while sighing] Alright.. [Shayne] Dude….Freaking bro, dude! Last night, dude, Jessica came over to my place. Dude, it was nuts! We totally… [S] while everyone starts to laugh: It was AWESOME, man! It was SO sick! SO Freaking sick, dude! [Shayne] Dude, she totally got on her knees, and then she totally… (Everyone starts to lose it) [Shayne, while laughing]
It was Awwh-some! [S] It was so sick, dude! [S] We freakin’… So hard! (through laughter) So hard! So freaking hard, dude! [Shayne] And then, oh dude! And then we found my parents–like, found their stash– and then we totally… [S] All over! *laughing* It was so sick dude!! *Buzzer sounds* [Shayne] God d*mnit! (Everyone laughs in the background) [Courtney] You didn’t make him laugh? [Shayne, sounding disappointed] No!
[Olivia] That was so funny! [Gus] My faith held strong… (Keith laughs) [Courtney, while reading instructions]…Okay….Alright! [Courtney] ooh, WoOaHh! *casually flips page* [C] OaAaH….*screams in pain*! [Court, all calm] Alright… (Camera crew laughs) (VERY LOUD SCREAMING AS COURT GIVES BIRTH) *Laughing continues* [Court, in a calm voice] Okay! (Laughter gets louder) [Court] *curses* *shoves baby back up herself* (Buzzer sounds as Courtney finally gives birth) *Everyone laughs* (Editor’s note: IT”S A GIRL!!) [Olivia] The weights are weighing down on me…
but, you know, There is always a way…(Editor: She tried at least…) *Buzzer sounds* ([Keith] What the hell?) [Keith] Gus….I have a major bone(r) to pick with you.. Dude, you did not wash the dishes and I asked you to wash them like twice! And that is TOTALLY unacceptable [K] And as your mother (Editor: with a boner)
I think you should do as your told… [Keith] Look, Little Penny does what she’s told!
Come here, Penny… [Olivia, as Penny] I make weight jokes.. *Buzzer sounds* (Laughter) [Shayne] So we didn’t make Gus laugh…again!
[Courtney] *Screams* (Overlapping conversation) [Keith] dude, you are….moist. [Gus] I almost lost it at (laughs)”Read the bible”
[Shayne] God!! [Olivia] That was SOO funny!!
[Keith] I didn’t expect that… [Shayne] Thought I had you…
[Keith] Did you do that right before we shot? [Shayne] I went into a room, and I recorded that because I was like: “I got this bit…” “It’s gonna work! [Gus] Put it on that, you could probably sell that… [Shayne] It didn’t work… (Gus enters making robot noises) [Gus, in robotic voice] Wow….you are beautiful. (Robot get 3 ft long boner) *weird sliding sound to symbolize God-knows-what while everyone laughs* *Robot in motion noises* (Thrusts Robo-boner in Shayne’s face while saying “doon”) (Laughter from the entire room as Gus accidentally hits himself on the junk) *Laughter continues* [Courtney] Hello…Yeah, I’m here. (Courtney and Olivia overlap conversations as they figure out who’s going to find who.) [Olivia, finally finding Court] Oh, oh, there you are! *Awkward greetings* [Olivia] Make sure to, uhh…
[Courtney] Do you wanna roll it up? Is this how you do it? [Court] Sick, dude, this is really good quality I feel like… *Buzzer sounds* [Shayne] I almost lost it in the beginning just when Olivia just like: “Hey, what’s up…” And Courtney is just there without her phone.. just like *imitates Court’s awkward movements* “uhh…Hey…” (Laughter) [Keith] So…we’re gonna do something that’s never been done on YouTube, I’m pretty sure.. so, she’s gonna wax my ass… (Look of pure horror) *Wax strip rips* (Keith exclaims “oh my god” in pain) [Keith] Oh my *takes a breath* GOD!! no…nO…NOo…*Wax strip rips* NO!! (Audience groans) Olivia: Alright, I got the cold press! (x2) [Keith, whimpering] no, No, no, no [K] That’s my hairy ass on his….pants. (Everyone laughs as Shayne rethinks life) *Buzzer sounds* [Shayne, recuperating] I just witnessed that! (Sarah(?) laughs in background) [Keith] It’s never been done–History, guys! (Overlapping conversations of shock)
[Shayne] I would have laughed if the shock hadn’t been there! [S] Oh…
[Keith] Are you grossed out? ([Olivia] Do you want to keep it?)
[Shayne] It was just a lot, I wasn’t expecting it… [Courtney] I don’t have water in… [Olivia] Oh…
[Keith] Oh, sorry, wrong way… (Keith begins to run around) (Editor: Usain Bolt, who?) [Keith] What…Oliv-Olivia, I don’t want to run forever…(Everyone starts laughing) [K] Olivia, I’m not doing this…no! Like, no, she’s telling me oh, (Groans) God!! [Keith] I’m getting dizzy… Olivia, no, like, this is not–
[Olivia] Run! [Keith] Oh, God!….This is ridiculous! *Success noise* [Olivia, finally getting to the bit] OoOOhH! You STOLE MY BABY!! (Shayne laughs as Olivia repeats “you stole my baby”) [Courtney] You’re back is sweaty.. [C] From those 3 laps..? [Keith] Go..alright.. (Keith begins his revenge) [K] Keep going… (Olivia panting) [Keith] Keep going… (Courtney starts to chuckle) [K] Go out there, and then come back around (Courtney chuckles.) *Success noise as Shayne laugh’s at his own joke* [Keith, realizing that Court laughed] Oh, we got her… (Courtney chuckles again) [K] Oh, we got her, we’re good…come on! (Courtney busts out in laughter) [Papa Gus] Hey, listen Honey… Your mom and I have been talking and I know you’re really bummed that Bradley Fischer didn’t ask you to the dance but…I always want you to know that you’re always going to be our beautiful little girl Okay, honey? *Success noise as everyone laughs* [Gus, while everyone is still laughing] ALL OVER MY FLOOR!! (Laughter get louder) [Courtney, confused af] Ahh? What the *bleep*?? Where are you? [C] Uuuhhhh [Keith] Put some water in your mouth!
(Courtney chokes) [Keith as everyone laughs] I didn’t even do anything!! It isn’t even a bit, it’s Shayne’s turn! [C] Where did his voice just come from?! [Keith] Don’t worry, just put it in your mouth…
(Courtney chuckles nervously) (Olivia and Keith become impatient as Court receives a call) [K] Who’s callin–Is that Shayne? Tell us what he says… (Courtney mumbles “hello”) (Mumbles “uh huh”) [C] uh huh.. mmm? (Court spews out water as success noise dings) [Court, while everyone laughs] I hate you… [Shayne] YoU’rE My fAvOrIte PiZzA plaaaaacceee (everyone breaks into hysterics) [Keith] Stop hitting him!! [Shayne] Ahh, what a callback…
[Courtney] Oh, my God… [Shayne] Alright, well, Gus Johnson is undefeated… [Courtney] Yeah, WOW, you’re the CHAMPION!!
[Shayne] Literally, literally [S] The best at this game, makes us all look bad… [Olivia] Yeah… I mean…
(Shayne and Keith start laughing) [Gus] You guys look fantastic… (Everyone “oh’s” at the compliment.)
[Shayne] Stop!! [S] Gus, where can people find you? [Gus] Find me on YouTube! Just look up “Gus Johnson”! No, I’m not the 50-year-old ESPN sports caster!! (People chuckle) I’m just a kid! [G] I look nothing like him… [Keith] No…Not at all..
[Gus] I think, he’s actually black too… (The squad chuckles)
[G] And has glasses… [Shayne] Thank you guys, hit that notification bell, subscribe… [S] you know how this, just do stuff..
[Courtney] Tell us who you want on! [Shayne] Uhh…Call your parents! [Courtney] Tell them you’re their–they’re your favorite pizza place.. [S] Text your parents, tell them they’re your favorite pizza place And tweet that to me and show what they respond with!
[Court] send the (gibberish) reply! [Olivia] Oh…That’d be amazing!!
(Squad agrees that this is a great idea) [Shayne] Alright…Goodbye!
(Everyone yells their goodbyes)