The ‘Fresh Prince’ When Will And Uncle Phil Accidentally Bought Thanksgiving Handies

The ‘Fresh Prince’ When Will And Uncle Phil Accidentally Bought Thanksgiving Handies


(thoughtful music) – [Narrator] Will’s kitchen sneakin’ for a little pre-Thanksgiving pie. Uncle Phil had the same idea. – This is not the first
Philip Banks pie-jacking. – [Narrator] And it won’t
be the last jack attempt of this episode, busted. And a B-story about Hillary
and Carlton volunteering to feed the homeless, who cares. The whole fam’s in town for Turkey Day. Will and Uncle Phil are helping Aunt Helen with her heavy-ass trunk. But Uncle Phil’s back is not having it. And a C-story breaks out
about the women fighting over who makes the best stuffing. Will tries to settle it
by siding with his mom, but Uncle Phil cautions he’s
entering an unwinnable trap. Phil’s right, now
everyone’s pissed at Will and he has to judge a
four-way stuffing cook-off. Uncle Phil and Will are couching it up when Aunt Viv the Second
says move that trunk. Uncle Phil teaches Will you can put off basic responsibilities by lying to your life partner. Wow, the stuffing wars
are really heating up. Wow, who cares. It’s finally time to lift that trunk, but Will gets mad at the sports and Uncle Phil fucks his
back up somethin’ serious. His loved ones rush to his rescue. Then bail, because stuffing. But it’s Thanksgiving, the doctor can’t see Phil until Monday. Will has the answer: Hit up one of those
reputable acupressure spots that are open 24/7, even holidays. Uncle Phil declines, but Will coaxes him with the reminder that
he is fat and likes food and Thanksgiving has lots of food, so get your fat ass massaged if you want a seat at the feast. Meanwhile, at the shelter, Carlton is feeding an unfortunate kid who lost his Home Improvement. Will takes Phil to a classy
joint with zebra print pillows. He says Phil needs a massage, deep tissue. Definitely gonna need some tissues. This kind professional offers to give Will a massage, personally. Sounds legit. The stuffing wars rage on. May god have mercy on us all. – Today’s your lucky day, you
get a choice of body oils. We have cinnamon, honey suckle, and our holiday special, cranberry. – [Narrator] Uncle Phil,
I think this nice woman is about to rub actual
cranberry sauce on your nutsack. Meanwhile, Will is less
concerned with the minutiae. – Just work it, girl. – [Narrator] Uncle Phil
and Will are having a good ol’ fashioned holiday
rubdown a thin wall apart. One of the scantily clad
pilgrims offers Will the special. Will says duh, but Will and Uncle Phil have very different
reactions to the special, which turns out to be four
titties on a Thursday. Uncle Phil wants to leave now. Will says he’ll be out in 10 minutes, which gives him 9 minutes
and 38 seconds to clean up, get dressed and have a smoke. Uncle Phil says we
gotta gobble, gobble go. Oh snap, the cops. Busted, to be continued right now. Uncle Phil requests Officer Dickhole, working holiday overtime to catch lonely dudes getting Turkey Tugs, to give him a break. Lieutenant SucksAss says
that’s up to the D.A., and surely a judge would know that. Now, welcome to jail, Happy
Thanksgiving, bitches. Will tries a tough guy act so
Uncle Phil can call a lawyer, and this dude yanks the
phone right off the wall. He could probably get a
job at that massage parlor. Meanwhile, the ladies are getting worried about their missing relatives as they’re starting to
run low on filler plot. I mean stuffing plot, I mean filler plot. Phil and Will get shitty dinners,
this sucks Plymouth rocks. Worst Thanksgiving ever. Then Will starts talking
about all the food at home. Reminding us, one more ‘gain,
of the four kinds of stuffing. That’s all Uncle Phil needs
to pull some expert level Let Me Speak to Your Manager-ing. He says get the D.A. on the horn. Tell him we haven’t had access
to a phone call or a lawyer, or four kinds of stuffing, or you’ll be the one
getting jerked behind bars. Uncle Phil and Will are
back on the streets. Free men, ready to spill their gravy. Phil and Will vow to never
speak a word of this to anyone. Dinner is poppin’, best Thanksgiving ever. Hey, Phil, Will, the
fuck took y’all so long? – Nothing. – Yeah, nada, (mumbles), nilch, nothing. Ah, look at the bird. – [Narrator] Very smooth. Then a super necessary eating montage that goes on for, like, two minutes. But what about the stuffing contest? Will says it’s a tie. Everyone’s like so what the shit was the point of all that? It took us two episodes
to make that stuffing. Uncle Phil says there is
no point, to anything. Because we’re all gonna die alone, it’s just nice to occasionally
be together in the meantime for mashed potatoes. Then the whole gang gets salty and Aunt Helen is drunk alone,
talking shit by herself. Classic Thanksgiving. So what did we learn today? – When you have a chronic back problem and you go for a therapeutic massage, and wind up in a house of ill-repute, which is subsequently raided, and you are arrested by mistake, never tell your wife. – [Narrator] Huh, yeah,
that pretty much sums it up. And if you want to get a
hand job on Thanksgiving, just do it yourself in
your childhood bedroom like everyone else. See you next time on A
Very Special Episode. (thoughtful music)