Must-See Documentaries

Must-See Documentaries


Hey guys, so Christmas is coming and I thought
I’d give you guys a list of movies that you should watch because I like recommending new
movies to you guys. So here’s my list: “Die Hard,” “Brazil,” “The Nightmare Before Christmas.” That’s it. That’s all of ’em. Hey wow, it turns out that most Christmas movies
suck balls or have nothing to do with Christmas. I mean, like two out of three of those movies take place
during Christmas, but they aren’t really Christmas movies. So here’s a list of awesome documentaries instead! Now, there are plenty of good documentaries out there,
and probably a lot of fantastic ones that I haven’t seen yet. You already know that “Bowling for Columbine” is pretty awesome, and I’ve already recommended these ones in my top 10 of the year videos. So here is some shit that you maybe have
heard of, maybe haven’t, but it’s good. Starting off this list is a film called “This Film Is Not Yet Rated.” It’s funny, informative, and goddammit do I agree with it. [clip] Why people can’t go see this terrific movie
just cuz it has, you know, this word in it. I don’t know, it just seems so… kinda childish. [YMS] And this movie does a great job pointing out just
how fucking ridiculous and retarded the people in the MPAA are. I’ve already explained that films like “A Single Man” have been
rated PG in Canada while it stays R in the United States cuz there’s gay people in it. But think about this: there was no gay sex in any of the
movies I watched when I was a kid but I turned out to be a perverted
faggot anyway; so fuck you, MPAA. [clip] “Fuck” is also allowed, but usually just once. So filmmakers are urged to choose their “fuck” carefully. A simple “fuck you” is OK, but referring
to the sexual act, as in: “may I please fuck you?” or “I enjoy getting fucked”
is totally unacceptable. If a character says that, especially while
abusing an illegal narcotic, the film is rated R. R means “restricted:” no children, 17 or under,
without parent or guardian. There may be sexual themes, frank sex talk,
sexualized nudity, tough languange and tough violence; like a thousand handicapped orphans
decimated by a hell of gunfire. But if the film depicts realistic baby-
making in a position other than missionary, acts involving oral sex
with females, anal sex, fetishes, more than two humans, or what the MPAA
deams “aberrational behavior”, that film could get slapped with an NC-17. NC-17 means “no children seventeen or under. Period.” An NC-17 may range from a senior citizen
gangbang to a foreign Pedro Almodóvar film, but art films make people feel funny,
especially the ones with “aberrational behavior.” [YMS] Next up is a Canadian documentary called
“The World According to Monsanto.” Now if you don’t know what Monsanto is,
then you should probably see this movie. Especially if you live in the United States. Monsanto is just a chemical company
that made DDT and Agent Orange, oh, and also they’re controlling a shit-ton
of the food in the United States. It’s probably one of the most evil
corporations on the planet, so maybe you should do yourself a favor and watch this. [clip] First of all, as there is a high incidence of mastitis, in the cows, there’ll be pus in the milk. And very, very importantly, very substantial increases in levels of IGF-1, of Insulin-like Growth Factor 1. There have been a series of studies,
somewhere in the region of 60, Relating increased levels of IGF-1 and
breast, colon, and prostate cancers. Monsanto did not deny that they made the offer
of one to two million dollars at this meeting, They later on tried to say:
“Oh, this was an offer of research.” So anyway, that’s what happened
in Canada, the drug was not approved. So, the European Parliament, based
on revelations in Canada, banned it forever. And then, all of a sudden, we three: Margaret Haydon, Gérard Lambert and I were dismissed for “disobedience.” [YMS] Next is a Bernard Herzog documentary called “Grizzly Man.” This film tells the story of Timothy Treadwell, an eccentric and possibly insane man who decided to go live with grizzly bears and document the whole thing on video. It’s funny, it’s depressing and some
of the footage is actually pretty fuckin’ amazing. Go see it! [clip] I wanna introduce you to one of the key role
players in this year’s expedition. The bear’s name is The Grinch. The Grinch has come on to be one of the
more frequent bears here in the grizzly maze. Ahm, The Grinch is a female of about 5 years of age. Oh hi, Grinch. Hi. And she has kind of an aggressive attitude. Hi. If I turn around too much she’ll bite me.
It’s okay. Hi. How are you? How are you? Don’t you do that! Don’t you do that! Back off! Don’t do it! It’s okay. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I’m sorry. [YMS] Next is a movie called “Dear Zachary:
A Letter To A Son About His Father.” This is possibly the most depressing
movie I’ve ever seen. You will cry. You will feel like shit. If you plan on eating any food during this
movie you won’t be able to finish it. I’m gonna let the trailer speak for this one: [clip] Unfortunately she made it to Canada
before they could arrest her. On the afternoon of November 7th, 2001,
my sister called to tell me that doctor Andrew Bagby, my closest
friend since the age of 7, had been killed. My name is Kurt and I’m a filmmaker. Andrew appeared in every movie I made growing up. Jesus Christ, Kurt, what do you want?
-No, no, no, I just need- I decided to make a movie to travel far and wide to interview
everyone who ever knew and loved Andrew. Kurt, I just got a call from Ms. Bagby. The abbreviated version is that bitch, ahm, held a press conference and announced she’s
4 months pregnant with Andrew’s baby. They can’t prove it until the child is born. If it is true, the Bagbys are going to sue for custody. She named the little boy Zachary. To seek custody of the only grandson
they would ever have Andrew’s parents moved to St. John’s, Newfoundland, Where Shirley Turner was unbelievably allowed
to walk free on bail while awaiting extradition. In order to see Zachary, Kate and David
were forced to stomach a civil relationship with the woman they knew murdered their only son. [YMS] Next up is “Jesus Camp.” Do you like gettin’ mad? Good, cuz this movie is full of mad. I don’t think I’ve ever sat through this film
once without yelling at the screen. Each line of hypocrisy that they
spout is just begging for a comeback. It’s a film about the crazy American
evangelicals that try to militarize children. And there’s a lot of them. Although this movie does have a scene
with Ted Haggard bashing gay people, the film was released in 2006
so it wasn’t really able to comment on the scandal involving him, crystal methamphetamine,
and a three-year affair with a male escort. [clip] So we don’t have to debate about what we should think about
homosexual activity. It’s written in the Bible! [YMS] Not gay, not gay, not gay! Hey guys, I’m not gay! If you shout you have morals really loud,
then maybe everyone will believe it. Regardless, this movie is infuriating. See it! If you wanna be really pissed off. [clip] I can go into a playground of kids
that don’t know anything about Christianity… lead them to the Lord in a matter of just… no time at all, and, and just moments later they can be
seeing visions and hearing the voice of God, because they’re so open. They are
so usable in Christianity. Where should we be putting armed efforts? Where should we be putting our focus?
I’ll tell you where our enemies are putting it: they’re putting it on the kids, they’re
going into the schools. You go in to Palestine and I can take you to some websites
that would absolutely shake you to your foundations, and show you photographs of where
they’re taking their kids: camps, like we take our kids to Bible camps, and they’re putting hand-grenades in their hands,
they’re teaching them how to put on bomb-belts, they’re teaching them how to use rifles, they’re
teaching how to use machine guns. It’s no wonder, with that kind of
intense training and discipline, that those young people are ready to
kill themselves for the cause of Islam. I wanna see young people who are as
committed to the cause of Jesus Christ as the young people are to the cause of Islam. I wanna see them as radically laying
down their lives for the Gospel as the as they are over in, in Pakistan… and, and Israel… and, and Palestine… and all those different
places, you know, because we have, excuse me, but we have the truth! [YMS] Next up is “Planet Earth.” But you might as well include “Life,” “Frozen Planet,” anything else that David Attenborough has written for the BBC, and “Human Planet”, yeah that one’s good too. I know these are TV series, but the production
quality on these are kinda fucking fantastic. This is definitely something you want to watch on BLUUU-RAY! These series are made by extremely talented and gifted people, and a lot of the time you’ll be asking
yourself how the fuck did they get that shot. And the glue that holds everything
together is George Fenton and the BBC Symphony Orchestra, who can transform shots of nature into
an epic experience. And please try to find the versions
where David Attenborough is actually narrating it and not some replacement because they think you’re too stupid to be able to understand a fucking British accent I mean, do the guy a favor! He’s fucking educating you! [clip] The crocodiles’ jaws snap tight, like a steel trap. Once they have a hold, they never let go. It took over an hour to drown this full-grown gnu. To surprise their prey, crocodiles must strike with lightning speed. Yeah, only the narrowest line separates life from death. [YMS] Next up is a documentary called “The Union:
The Business Behind Getting High.” This Canadian film is both hilarious and informative, and it completely debunks every
myth your grandparents told you about pot. This is a great film to watch, especially now that
two states have moved towards decriminalization. Can we please just sign a petition for Obama
to watch this movie or something? As the movie explains, it’s less about the health hazards and more about the fact that people
are making money by keeping it illegal. Profit motive! Fuck yeah! [bong hit] See ya! [clip] 1974, the Heath/Tulane Study. Ronald Reagan announces the most reliable
scientific sources say permanent brain damage is one of the inevitable results of the use of marijuana. This study became the foundation of the government and other special interest groups’ claim that marijuana kills brain cells. Here’s what they didn’t tell you: After six years of requests, how the study
was conducted was finally revealed. Instead of administering 30 joints a day
for one year, doctor Heath used a method of pumping 63 Columbian-strength joints through
a gas mask within five minutes, over three months. They suffocated the monkeys. What they did is they put these gas masks, basically, on their face and they pump pot into it, but without additional oxygen, so after X amount of time, the brain is shut down.
What they did is they put these gas masks, basically, on their face and they pump pot into it, but without additional oxygen, so after X amount of time, the brain is shut down. Well, if you suffocate the first things that’s gonna happen is your brain cells are gonna die with of lack of oxygen. So what they did is they suffocated the monkey, showed all these dead brain
cells and then went on to associate by saying that cannabis use causes
your brain cells to die. People say “well you can abuse marijuana!”
Well, shit, you can abuse cheeseburgers too! You know, you don’t go around closing
Burger King because you can abuse something. I could take a fucking fork and jam it
in my eyeballs, that means forks should be illegal? You know, I could jump off a bridge,
should we outlaw bridges? Let’s nerf the world! [YMS] Last on my list is “The Corporation.” From, you guessed it: Canada. My nationalism! This is one of my favorite documentaries ever made. This important documentary shows the birth and growth of the Corporation historically, and its impact on modern society. It’s kind of fucking eye-opening! And since corporations are considered legal people, the film cleverly grades the corporation based on how psychopathic it is. [clip] If I take a gun and shoot you… that’s criminal. If I expose you to some chemicals,
which knowingly are gonna kill you… what difference is there? The difference
is that it takes longer to kill you. We are now in the midst of a major cancer epidemic and I have no doubt, and I have documented the basis for this, that industry is largely responsible for this overwhelming epidemic of cancer in which one in every two men get cancer in their lifetimes, and one in every three women get cancer in their lifetimes. [YMS] You know, it wouldn’t be such a bad thing if
corporations had the same rights as people, because it seems as though they have extra rights. As a person, I’d go to jail if I tried to do half the shit that corporations do. Something’s definitely wrong here. [clip] All publicly traded corporations have been
structured, through a series of legal decisions, to have a peculiar and disturbing characteristic: they are required, by law, to place the financial interests of their
own above competing interests. In fact, the corporation is legally bound
to put its bottom line ahead of everything else. Even the public good. [YMS] Well, that’s it for my list, so… start watchin’ ’em. I plan to make another one of these documentary
lists at some point, so send me some suggestions! Also, the creators of “The Corporation”
uploaded a free version to YouTube, so fucking check it out. Otherwise, have a very… informative Christmas. WHY DO CHRISTMAS MOVIES HAVE TO FUCKING SUCK?!