Indian Election Update | Patriot Act with Hasan Minhaj | Netflix

Indian Election Update | Patriot Act with Hasan Minhaj | Netflix


Did you see the results? -Yeah.
-Landslide victory for… Modi, Modi, Modi. I told you.
I said, “Don’t do Indian elections.” Why can’t I talk about Indian politics?
I’m Indian. You’re Indian? You didn’t even live there. How do you call yourself an Indian? My family’s from there. People think that you’re American.
You’re a white washed. No, I’m not. You know me
and uncle are brown, you know that. How? But you don’t behave like a brown. -What does that even mean?
-You think that you’re a smart white dude. Sorry, you’re not. If you don’t want me
to talk about politics, -what do you want me to talk about?
-Go ahead with Bollywood. -I’m not talking about Bollywood.
-You should. -I’m not talking about Bollywood.
-No, Indian food. -The spicy Indian food.
-Oh, yeah. Biryani. -You want me to do 26 minutes…
-Oh, yes. on biryani? Yeah, you can do an hour. You could do an hour. Okay. What if I just do the update
on what happened? -Apology is the only update you can give.
-Only update you can do. Maybe you can put it as… “Patriot Act:
Apology Regarding Indian Elections.” You want me to do “Patriot Act:
Apology About Indian Elections?” -Yes.
-“Sorry, I Didn’t Listen.” Hello. Thank you so much! Thank you. Hello, how are you? Hi! Welcome to Patriot Act. I’m Hasan Minhaj.
Thank you guys so much for coming out. Oh, man. Now, look. India just wrapped up
its general election, and we have to talk about it. I mean, can you imagine if we didn’t? Like every white person would be like,
“Is Hasan okay?” And every Indian person would be like,
“Good, he learned.” So here’s a quick update. This election
pretty much came down to two parties. The BJP,
a right-wing Hindu Nationalist group led by incumbent Prime Minister,
Narendra Modi, and the Congress Party,
led by Rahul Gandhi. And the results were stunning. Prime Minister Narendra Modi
is celebrating a sweeping victory Narendra Modi now set for
a second five-year term as prime minister of the world’s biggest democracy. Ladies and gentlemen, India has spoken, and India has spoken decisively. Okay, that’s Navika Kumar, and we featured her the last time
we talked about the elections. So she hit me up on Twitter and invited me to come on her show
for a debate. And I said… “Hell no.”
That show is way too intense. I would get destroyed like King’s Landing. Make your point! All right, make your point! Respond to the basic issues. Can you just calm down? Why are you getting personal? I think you suffer from amnesia. Stop playing the victim card. You did not make
the political point that you should have. Do they just slap everyone
right before they put them on air? Also, how do they fit so many people
on that show? It’s like they mapped the population
of India onto their news shows. Now, look. We know this. It’s not a huge surprise
that the BJP won. It was the size of their victory
that was shocking. Modi’s BJP Party won 303 out of 542 seats in the lower House of Parliament.
It’s well beyond the simple majority a party in India needs
to form a government. The BJP took so many seats, they won a majority on their own. They pulled it off
by expanding beyond the Hindi Belt, which sounds like something
Gucci got in trouble for selling. But… the Hindi Belt is actually a region that’s made up entirely
of Hindi-speaking states. In this election,
the BJP managed to expand into every part of India. They are now 56%
of the lower House of Parliament. Meanwhile, the Congress Party ended
this election with 52 seats. That’s not even 10% of the lower house. And if you think things couldn’t get
any worse for Rahul Gandhi, you’re very wrong. And one of the highlights
of the BJP’s amazing victory is Amethi, where the party’s Smriti Irani
defeated Congress President Rahul Gandhi. An event that has led
to even more humiliation for the congress. I would like to say Smriti Irani has won. I want to congratulate her.
The citizens of a Amethi have decided. I respect their decision. Okay, Rahul couldn’t even win
his own district, which his family held for decades. He lost to a BJP candidate
named Smriti Irani, who’s a former soap opera star. And trust me, she does not fuck around. Okay, why did they film this entire show
on Google Street View? It feels like the director
is like, “Wait. I’m just looking for a brunch spot.
Let me just… let me just get my Matrix on.” Killing the competition
isn’t just a metaphor. The BJP ran some wild candidates. Like Anantkumar Hegde who said, “As long as we have Islam in the world,
there will be no end to terrorism,” which kind of sounds like
Stephen Miller’s wedding vows. Or Sakshi Maharaj, who has
34 criminal cases against him, including robbery and murder, but by far the craziest BJP candidate
was Pragya Thakur, who won in Bhopal. Now, she recently pissed off
pretty much all of India. Sadhvi Pragya has proved to be
the biggest embarrassment for the BJP. She has called Mahatma Gandhi’s assassin
a patriot. You can’t say that. That’s like calling Ted Bundy
a ladies man. Now, Pragya eventually apologized. But this isn’t the first time she’s run
into trouble. Last year, a terrorism charge
was laid against her as a suspect in a 2008 mosque bombing
that killed six people. Visiting a Bhopal Hindu temple
for a cleansing ceremony, she adamantly maintains her innocence
in the case. I am 100% innocent. Okay, technically… Pragya is out on bail
because she has cancer. But she’s also been accused
of plotting a deadly bomb attack. So, I just don’t know how to do this joke. You know what I mean?
‘Cause, like, what was her Make-A-Wish? You know what I mean? They were like,
“Hey, do you want to meet The Rock?” And then she was like,
“Can he help me blow up a mosque?” I told you it was fucked up. Now look, it’s easy to reduce
the BJP’s popularity to one issue, whether you look Pragya
and think Hindu nationalism or you look at Congress and you think
of corruption and incompetence. But don’t forget one
of the biggest reasons the BJP won is Narendra Modi himself. Voters wanted him
to be the face of India. So even though he’s known
for not taking questions from the press, the stakes of this election were so high,
even he had to sit down for an interview with one of the most feared journalists
in India, Bollywood star Akshay Kumar. The fashion statement you make
is very interesting. Have you styled it yourself? This is a good question. I want to know if you eat mangoes. I eat mangoes,
and I enjoy it very much. Okay, that sounds like a five-year-old
interviewing their doll. Akshay’s like, “Do you like mangoes? I like mangoes. Would you like some more tea?” He’s so charming, I almost forgot
about the Rafale scandal. Now, I totally get why Indians love Modi. He’s so Indian.
The day before voting ended, he climbed the Himalayan Mountains
and meditated in a shrine for 18 hours. He basically did what Americans think
Indians do all the time. Look, you may not agree with his politics,
but the man knows a good photo op. He’s like, “Look, I want to meditate.
Get the cameras ready.” THERE’S– FUCK– THIS IS A THREE CAMERA SHOOT! Look what they’re cutting. They had to cut wide on the walk.
They’re getting his lineup. They got his lineup! We have multiple angles inside
of a cave, you guys. The point is Modi is savvy and revered, and I know this because Indian trolls
are blowing up my mentions. They don’t like my sweater.
They don’t like my hand motions. This person just wants me to know
that I’m a son of a bitch. I love how he wrote, “Just so you know.” He’s like, “Hey, just FYI. You’re a son of a bitch.” But I picked up on a general theme. Modi supporters think I was trying
to swing the election. “Let me take this time
to thank Hasan Minhaj, who helped us elect
a right-wing government in India. Thank you.” Okay, let me make this very clear. Comedians can’t swing elections. This is insane. George W. Bush won twice
when Jon Stewart was on the air. We’re talking peak Stewart, you guys. He had black hair.
He had the shoulder pads. He took down Crossfire. Everyone was like,
“I get my news from J-Stew. He’s the truth-teller.” Meanwhile, Bush went back-to-back.
Comedians don’t do shit. But… I can’t go online without Desi trolls telling me
I ruined democracy. So clearly,
I didn’t need to go to Navika’s show. Navika’s show came to me. I think he made Modi win. Why is he talking about
Indian politics anyway? He has no clue about Narendra Modi.
He has no clue about BJP. This guy’s an anti-Indian. You are my least favorite
Daily Show correspondent. -Not funny.
-Excuse me. That is not the point.
Can I make my point? -Can I make my point?
-Make your point! It’s only Modi, Modi, Modi for him. I tried to tell him not
to talk about this, and he never listened to me. He’s a complete idiot and a buffoon. Why are you getting personal? Why are you getting personal? I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Let’s not get personal. Hasan Minhaj is a son of a bitch!