Chappelle’s Show – Charlie Murphy’s True Hollywood Stories – Prince – Uncensored

Chappelle’s Show – Charlie Murphy’s True Hollywood Stories – Prince – Uncensored


I CAN RECALL ANOTHER ONE,
LIKE, IN, YOU KNOW I THINK IT WAS IN ’85, LIKE, WHEN ALL THAT ANDROGYNOUS S**T
WAS GOING ON, AND WHAT WAS WILD WAS THAT THE GUY WHO LOOKED
THE MOST LIKE A BITCH WAS GETTING ALL THE WOMEN. EVEN I HAD IT–
THE JERRY CURL WAS COMING OUT, AND I HAD MY S**T SLICKED
TO THE SIDE AND ALL THAT. IF YOU WEARING BAGGY S**T NOW
AND YOU ACTING HARD, IF YOU FROM L.A., YOU MOTHERF**KERS WAS WEARING
SOME STRANGE S**T. WE IN THE CLUB. WE GETTING OUR GROOVE ON,
SHAKING IT UP, AND PRINCE CAME IN THERE. THAT’S WHEN
PURPLE RAIN CAME OUT, AND PRINCE WAS THE S**T,
YOU KNOW WHAT I’M SAYING? PRINCE HAD ON, LIKE, A– IT WAS LIKE
A ZORRO-TYPE OUTFIT. IT HAD THE RUFFLES
THAT COME DOWN THE FRONT. HE HAD THE BIG PERM
FLUFFED OUT AND ALL THAT. AND THE MUSTACHE, YOU KNOW,
JUST DRAWN ON HIS FACE. AND IT LOOKED LIKE SOMETHING
THAT A FIGURE SKATER WOULD WEAR, YOU KNOW WHAT I’M SAYING? AND HE WAS
WITH HIS WHOLE CREW, AND HE HAD THIS OTHER CAT
NAMED MICKI FREE, AND MICKEY FREE WAS, LIKE,
THE NEW CAT IN SHALAMAR THAT,
WHEN HE JOINED THE GROUP, I HEARD MAD CATS, LIKE, “YO, SHALAMAR GOT
THIS NEW GIRL IN THERE. MAN, THAT BITCH FINE
LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER.” THEY WAS TALKING ABOUT
MICKEY FREE, OKAY? MICKEY FREE IS NOT A GIRL,
ALL RIGHT? THEY CAME OVER
WHERE WE WAS AT. PRINCE STARTED TALKING
TO MY BROTHER. HELLO, EDDIE MURPHY. PRINCE, WHAT’S UP? I’M A BIG FAN
OF YOUR COMEDIES. OOH, THAT’S HOT, PRINCE. WOULD YOU LIKE
TO COME TO MY HOUSE AND LISTEN
TO SOME MUSIC? OOH, THAT’S COOL. FRUITY, GET THE CAR. ASSEMBLE YOUR CREW. I’LL BE OUTSIDE. WE WENT UP THERE. WE GET THERE.
HE PUTS THE TRACKS ON. THE TRACKS ARE SLAMMING,
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? AND WE’RE LISTENING
TO THE MUSIC AND EVERYTHING. GROOVING AT THE CRIB. HE HAD GIRLS OVER THERE. HE HAD A NICE ENVIRONMENT.
IT WAS TIGHT. THIS BORES ME. IS ANYONE UP
FOR A GAME OF BASKETBALL? [laughs] HOW ABOUT
YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS VERSUS ME
AND THE REVOLUTION? [laughs] SO I WAS LIKE, “THIS NIGGA
MUST BE JOKING, MAN.” I DON’T KNOW WHERE HE’S GOING
WITH THIS AND S**T. BUT HE WAS DEAD SERIOUS. HE HAD HIS, UH,
HELPER OR WHATEVER GO AND GET SOME, LIKE,
SHORTS AND SNEAKERS AND GAVE THEM TO US. AND LAUGHING, I’M LIKE, “THIS IS GONNA BE SOME
FUNNY-ASS S**T.” SO THEY COME OUT, RIGHT? AND I LOOK AT THEM,
AND, UM, THEY STILL GOT ON THE SAME S**T
THEY WAS WEARING AT THE CLUB. IT WAS WILD, AND I WAS LIKE, “I KNOW THEY AIN’T THINKING
ABOUT PLAYING BALL IN THAT,” BUT THEY WERE. I SAID, “HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT?” YOU KNOW WHAT WE’RE
GONNA CALL THIS? THE SHIRTS
AGAINST THE BLOUSES. [laughter] AND WHEN I SAID THAT,
THIS LOOK CAME ON HIS FACE. HE ICE GRILLED ME. AND I’M LOOKING BACK AT HIM,
THINKING TO MYSELF, YOU KNOW,
“WHAT ARE YOU ANGRY ABOUT? “I MEAN, YOU KNOW WHERE
YOU GOT THAT SHIRT FROM, AND IT DAMN SURE WASN’T
THE MEN’S DEPARTMENT.” I MEAN, I KIND OF
LEARNED SOMETHING THAT DAY: DON’T NEVER JUDGE
A BOOK BY ITS COVER. THIS CAT COULD BALL, MAN. PLAY BALL. HE WAS CROSSING CATS LIKE ICE. CROSSED ME UP. MADE MY KNEES
SLAM TOGETHER. HE WAS GETTING REBOUNDS
LIKE CHARLES BARKLEY. SNATCHING IT DOWN! SHOOT THE “J.” SHOOT IT! LET’S RUN A PLAY.
COMPUTER BLUE. DARLING PICKY. OWW! THEY WAS KIND OF SETTING
THESE FRUITY PICKS, MAN, YOU KNOW WHAT I’M SAYING? LIKE, YOU’D BE
TRYING TO CHECK PRINCE, AND THEN YOU GO THIS CAT
STANDING BEHIND YOU, AND HE’S GETTING CLOSE TO YOU, AND HIS HANDS
IS OUT LIKE THIS. YOU DON’T REALLY WANT
TO BE BENT OVER IN FRONT OF A CAT LIKE THAT,
YOU KNOW WHAT I’M SAYING? PRINCE WAS INCREDIBLE! PRINCE, YOU GOT A TOWEL, MAN? IT’S KIND OF HOT
OUT HERE, MAN. WHY DON’T YOU PURIFY
YOURSELF IN THE WATERS OF LAKE MINNETONKA. GOOD. IN YOUR FACE,
CHARLIE MURPHY. GOOD. GOOD HUSTLE.
[slap] YO, MAN,
I’M NOT ON YOUR TEAM. I MEAN, IT WASN’T EVEN
LIKE IT WAS CLOSE. IT WAS A LANDSLIDE VICTORY. GAME. BLOUSES. I WAS THERE.
I SEEN IT. YOU DON’T BELIEVE ME? YOU THINK
I’M MAKING IT UP? YOU THINK I’M TRYING TO,
UH, YOU KNOW, ENHANCE THE STORY
BECAUSE I’M INVOLVED? OR TRYING TO GIVE MYSELF
AN EXCUSE FOR LOSING BECAUSE I’M TELLING YOU
A STORY ABOUT PRINCE? I DARE YOU TO CHALLENGE PRINCE
TO A GAME OF BALL ONE-ON-ONE. CHALLENGE HIM! A’IGHT? AND MAKE SURE YOUR PEOPLE
IS THERE TO SEE THE GAME. ‘CAUSE YOU MIGHT GET
EMBARRASSED. TRUST ME. ALL RIGHT, HE BEAT
YOU IN BASKETBALL, AND THEN WHAT HAPPENED? AFTER IT WAS ALL OVER, HE TOOK US IN THE HOUSE
AND SERVED US PANCAKES. PANCAKES. WELL,
I GOT TO ADMIT, UM, IT WAS A GOOD GAME. I WISH I COULD SAY
THE SAME FOR YOU AND YOUR CREW OF FLUNKIES. DO YOU GUYS
WANT SOME GRAPES? I MEAN, YOU KNOW, THERE’S SOME GREAT STORYTELLERS IN THE WORLD
THAT WE LIVE IN TODAY, MAN. BITCHES. WHO THE FUCK
CAN MAKE UP THAT SHIT? [cheers and applause]