Can You Beat Metro 2033 With Only A Revolver?

Can You Beat Metro 2033 With Only A Revolver?


While it is undoubtedly the most popular,
Fallout is not the only series to tell a story set in a post-apocalyptic world. There’s Wasteland, which is a series of
more traditional RPGs, but there’s also Metro 2033. Can You Beat Metro 2033 With Only A Revolver? Before the gameplay even starts, the stage
is set. 20 years ago there was a nuclear war which
didn’t do nice things to Moscow. 40,000 people retreated underground and turned
the Subway restaurants we’ve all come to know and love into a breeding ground for mutated
creatures. Subway please don’t sue me. Then came the choice, the choice that influences
every split-second decision that happens throughout the rest of the game. I choice the Spartan mode because resource
management sounds complicated, then chose the easiest Difficulty: Normal. The lack of an Easy difficulty was the first
sign that bad things were a comin’. The game begins and… I don’t have a Revolver, only this glorified
lead squirtgun. I noticed immediately that the aiming is a
little off, it’s like, looking up and down is slower than looking left or right. The problem was immediate. Monsters attacked me and I had to attack them
back, I failed the challenge in record time by attacking with the knife. Outside, in view of a lighthouse, we got swarmed
by a horde of monsters. The number of them made it clear that not
attacking back wasn’t an option, I opened fire. I got attacked, an incestuous descendant of
Big Bird got me, and darkness. Alex, the Russian guy, instructed me to follow
him, he led me through the station which was packed to the brim with a bunch of crybabies,
and we met Hunter at the gate. Sounds of rats in the pipes gave away what
was about to happen, I got my Revolver and went to work. This is about as easy as combat will ever
be. Most of the monsters are behind the grating,
but I still took more damage than I expected. Alex rambled on about the Dark Ones being
the next step in human evolution, the outer guard post was destroyed by these so called
Dark Ones, and a lot of people were dead. Super bad-ass Hunter gave me his dog tags,
a job, and ventured off into the darkness. Yeah he died. I wandered around a bit, it wouldn’t occur
to me until some time later that the compass points towards my objective instead of pointing
North. Because, you know, you expect a compass to
be an actual compass. You don’t look at a plunger and think about
how it could be a cereal bowl. Armory guy gave me a submachine gun, the Bastard
Gun to be specific, some ammo, a phone charger, gas mask similar to the one I’ll be wearing
when I open my jar of cheese, a few medkits, I used bullets to buy more bullets, and set
off towards Riga. The train car was fun, it was a like Five
Nights at Freddy’s meets Donkey Kong Country meets Back at the Barnyard meets Chernobyl. This guy was a man after my own heart, “a
tunnel collapse or some other shit”. Something happened but he doesn’t give enough
of a fuck to know what. We had to use a different tunnel to get..
to get to … I’m not saying that. I’ll go ahead and point out now that I had
a hard time keeping track of everyone in the game what because of the Russian accents and
Russian names. Things got green and conveniently the guy
with only a revolver was stuck watching the path. Shadow people walked the track and the son
of the sun gave everyone an aneurism. I’m not entirely sure what happened next. It kinda looked like I got felt up by an Enderman,
but that couldn’t be right. I literally missed 2 point blank shots. Another bad sign. As expected, the guy who came along at the
last second got killed first. That’s how games work. It really hit me just what I’d gotten myself
into when I had 13 shots left and there were what looked like 15 Nosalis after us. Nosalis are the name of the mutants. Some of them take 3-4 shots to kill. I don’t want to brag or anything, but I
passed Calculus with a C, alright, I know a thing or two about math. And if my calculations are correct, I’m
what we like to refer to as “fucked”. As they started violating my restraining order
that I had only just begun to write out in crayon, I began using my knife because some
genius told me to conserve my ammo. This is not Fallout where ammo is plentiful. One of the main themes of this game is that
people are struggling to get my with scarce resources, that includes my ammo. Because of this, using my knife is allowed. It’s about as effective as one of those
nerf swords, but it’s better than nothing. I already failed the challenge at the very
beginning and it wouldn’t be possible to get through this section without the knife. There wasn’t enough Revolver ammo available
to make it work. I got knocked off the side, hid while every
Nosalis in the world ran by, and what remained of me arrived at Riga Station. A little boy in stupid green boots told me
a man is waiting for me. How he knew who I was or where I would be
is a mystery to everyone except him. His name is Bourbon, like the soap, and he
told he needed to get to Dry Station. This is the sort of thing an English teacher
would want you to write about in an essay. Recall the 1920s and 30s and the prohibition
and the mobsters and the whatnot. Regions without alcohol could be known as
“Dry Counties”. Get it? Bourbon is an alcohol, dry station, dry county. I’m giving myself an E for effort and a
B for a bullshit waste of time. I attempted to stock up on bullets but in
the perfect scenario, you can only carry 60 revolver ammo, which is really not a lot. It was a good thing I did that though, because
a whore called out to me, her friend bonked me on the head with a head, and stole my money. Mr Krabs would have killed everyone in the
station had that little stunt been pulled on him. Anyway, I met back up with Bourbon, followed
him to his secret exit, and we began making out way through the tunnels. A group of raiders were hiding out in our
path. Human enemies, in general, are less annoying
than mutants. They go to hell when they die because that’s
where we all go, from one hell to the next, and they can be taken down with a single headshot. This is standard video game shoot-y stuff
here. Some of them even had revolver ammo on them. This turn of events led to an absurd amount
of anger and disappointment down the line. Past the raider camp, we arrived at the bridge
where we had to use our gas masks for the first time. After I died, I let Bourbon do most of the
work, I found the way he went up the stairs a bit humorous, we cleared another wave of
nosalises, and disaster struck. He jumped from the back of this train car,
then I did, but I just barely missed the mark, landed on the edge, and got a checkpoint. I was stuck, there was no way for me to get
up to where he was, so I had to restart the mission. Thankfully we weren’t too far into it yet. I don’t want to waste time on it, but everything
I just did in the tunnels I did again, made the jump the 2nd time, and we were passed
the bridge. I OD’d on glowing green fungus several times
here as I got glimpses at a world us mortals aren’t meant to comprehend, we got to the
station, held off a wave of nasal monsters, I saved the last bullet I had for myself just
incase I needed it, and we entered the Market. Inside I followed Bourbon a bit, sold my non-revolving
weapons, put a few upgrades on my Revolver, sold my flash bangs and throwing knives, if
I have to blind someone I’ll do it with a gun like a real man, Mike showed us his
secret passageway, and we were on the surface for the first time. The surface, while scary, is very post-apocalyptic. It’s spooky and eerie and snowy. Lake Eerie only has two of those things. Score one for Moscow. As is tradition in video games, Bourbon made
the jump to the other side of the river while I couldn’t. I had to take the long way around and I’ll
just be frank here: I’m the opposite of smart. Remember what I said about me expecting the
compass to be a compass? Well… I sorta kinda got lost for like half an hour. The game tells you that a button brings up
the compass, but I require constant hand-holding, I won’t even go to the bathroom without
help, catheters can be real wiggly. The point here is that I wasted a lot of time. I even looked up a guide on a certain website
showing how to get through it. Eventually though, I learned what a compass
do, I thanked God for that compi (cum pie), suffocated just after getting the handle on
the situation, and reunited with my old buddy Bourbon. If my sponsor heard me say that I would be
in deep shit. I wasted a bunch of ammo on nosalises, which
I think are supposed to be like mutated moles or something. Rugrats season 5 episode 11 Journey to the
Center of the Basement did mole people first, did these amateurs really think they could
get a rugrats reference by me? We sought shelter in a building of some sort
and found ourselves in another station. But oh no, it was taken over by bandits! Bourbon offered his body to the guards as
a peace offering of sorts, they kicked his ass, and it was up to me to rescue him. You might be able to sneak your way through
this, I don’t know, I just attacked from a distance on unsuspecting targets. It wasn’t long before I made my way through
them all and found Bourbon. He made a rooking mistake by taking his eyes
off the target. Everyone knows you don’t kill with your
heart, you kill with your hands and what’s in them. Unless you have dementia, then you kill with
whatever, it’s not like you’ll remember it. A new guy showed up, Khan, another Ranger
I would assume. Khan’s a sneaky motherfucker, he knows all
the hidey-holes. The ghost of Thomas the Tank engine choo-choo’d
its way past us towards the big train track in the sky, a bunch of almost Endermen attempted
to stop us in our path. voodoo shit scared them off real good, then
we saw it. The all-powerful energy ball that once called
himself The Conductor, the star of the hit simulation game: A-Train 8. Deeper into the tunnel, I died after running
out of ammo, Khan told me not to touch the pretty light, I did it anyway, fought off
the nosalis’s by hiding in a corner, pulled the trigger a couple hundred times just to
be 100% certain that I had no ammo, got onto a train car, and as expected the guards needed
our help. And of course when I say “our help” I
mean my help. Things went south pretty quickly after my
life got turned off by demons, then I figured it out. Retrieve the can of gas, plant it inside something
to cause boom, then meet a blacksmith. I accidentally interrupted an execution in
progress by stumbling blindly into a room. The guy who lead the way was a real trooper. Right when he was about to die he gave me
a hint about where to go. It was a nice gesture on his part, I still
don’t care that he died, but it was still nice. Andrew the Blacksmith assumed the role of
one of those weird dress-up flash games when he gave me a new uniform, then I may have
hit the wrong button right before I started recording. I say that because there are things on the
screen that shouldn’t be there. Luckily it was’t obstructing anything important. All I did was buy ammo and sneak onto a wheel
machine. After falling off the wagon, I had to fight
my way through everyone in my path. This was rough, but I gritted my teeth and
began to plow. I stabbed one guy in the neck and everyone
lost their shit, this is actually one of the common complaints about this game, that the
stealth system is incredibly unforgiving, all it takes is one person to see you and
everyone nows where you are. Something else I noticed here is that there
are now human enemies who can take more than one headshot to kill, and that’s pretty
gosh darn bad. By the time I was through the first segment,
I was down to 17 shots. With all the corpses and various locations
to loot, I got myself up to about 22. This is without a doubt the most challenging
part of this game. A fully decked out revolver is a solid weapon,
but it’s so difficult to find ammo for it. Early on in the game you can resupply fairly
regularly at a station, later in the game though, starting around here, you don’t
get that option. You have what you have and that’s it. On the cooler side of the tracks I found a
little more ammo and a bunch more Nazis, that’s who I’m fighting by the way. It took me a good 30 minutes to get past this
one. Generally, my tactic here was to be as accurate
as possible. missing even a few shots would screw me down
the line, there were times when I loaded the last checkpoint just because I knew I’d
get myself into a pickle. It’s like having kids, if you make a mistake
just get rid of it and start over. I did try closing my eyes and running through
all the gunfire while screaming like a little girl. Didn’t work. Just like in real life, getting shot slows
you down. Eventually I found out that there was a path
below the railway that allowed me to sneaky away the soldiers one by one, the cover let
me tae a few shots then retreat to avoid being detected, and with a few bullets to spare,
I was done. I got sidetracked a bit by a pretty red light
that led me to a group of prisoners. They had all the gear in the world and they
would not share. Rest assured my kindergarten teacher will
hear about this and she will not be happy. Guess what, I’m not done yet. More Nazis. This section wasn’t as bad. There were fewer of them here as well as a
scaffolding high above them that I could shoot from. I quite literally had no ammo after I got
through it, I got hit in the face again, and wake up with a gun pointed at me. Of course the bad guys had to point the gun
at me for a long time before shooting me, allowing some new Russian guy to rescue me. The shoelace is on the other sandal this time. But it was all good because I found 4 whole
bullets. In an unfortunate twist, those bullets won’t
matter. What came next was an on-rails shooter segment. We tried to cosplay our way past the Nazis. Didn’t work, we were found out. I thought that maybe I’d be able to get
by without shooting. I couldn’t. It’s like the assault on Fort Mercer in
Red Dead Redemption. I had no option to not use the machine gun. I use it or I don’t proceed farther into
the game. You would think that this would be easy, just
point and shoot. No, my first wife was easy, this is not, mostly
because the controls suck. Right stick looks up and down, left stick
looks right to left, maybe it was the other way around, doesn’t matter. I’m going to assume that this was intentional
to showcase how difficult it is to operate this giant gun. This is video game good game after all, realism
number one. After that thrilling nightmare, my night vision
goggles didn’t work, I completely forgot about that battery charger. Then the gang and I passed through a station
on rails. You know what’s worse than using that machine
gun? An on-rails shooter section where I can only
use my revolver. It’s just… it’s so bad. God smiled down at me and made that only last
a few moments. Everything changed when the mole people attacked. At least a dozen of them. I had fewer than 10 shots left so I stuck
to my knife for the most part. My tour guide forgot his debit card in the
gift shop and went back to get it, and I was alone. Pavel was the guy’s name. All that was left to do was crawl through
the sewer system and I was at another friendly station. Finally, I could stock up on supplies, take
a shower, maybe trim my nose hair. No… no, no, no. Not even close. The station was attacked and I was on call
to help defend it with my 18 bullets. I sat in the corner and didn’t shoot unless
something hit me first. The other guys could be eaten alive for all
I care. I had my 4th or 5th aneurism and when I came
to, the mutants broke through. Soldier guy tasked me with broadcasting an
emergency message to Polis. Silver linings and whatnot, I was able to
sneak through most of the station without being attacked. An exciting new problem is the mole hole. Here’s a tip: if you’re in an area overrun
with mutants, don’t go spelunking. Some kid learned about death the fun way,
his uncle was napping and wouldn’t wake up. For real though, Artyom is a freak. He let this kid climb on his back without
saying a single word. Also the movement gets real loosey-goosey
with this russian off-brand Kazooie onboard. But, because kids dying in video games is
generally a no-go, there weren’t many mutants to deal with, I saw the sky again, returned
the kid to his parent, bought 54 bullets for my 3 revolvers, and fell face first into the
hateful embrace of mother nature. Outside, were many more Nazis. This was tougher than I anticipated because
Nazis are generally gigantic pussies. I had plenty of ammo, the issue was one of
numbers, I tried taking them all on at once. A wheel-chair bound 6 year old with pool noodle
could kick the asses of a dozen Nazis without a problem. Virtual Nazis are something else entirely,
they have guns and armor. After a few attempts I started attacking from
the shadows like I should have from the start, removed them all from this dimension, and
entered a building. Again, not easy. The conservation of ammo is always of the
utmost importance. The more shots you miss, the more paranoid
and careful you become, which makes your ankles swell up from all the stress and affects your
ability to be a potent killing machine. To be honest, there isn’t a whole lot to
say here. It’s just a bunch of trial and error, trying
to stealthily kill as many people as possible to avoid being detected. By now you’re probably tired of hearing
about how uncommon revolver ammo is. If you run out, there’s a good chance you
won’t find anymore for a while. A considerable amount of time passed and I
was in the abandoned car park. I looked for any signs of Mater, he was nowhere
to be found. The flying demons can be a nuisance, but they
seemed to fly in a predictable pattern, as long as you avoid that path you should alright. All was good, I was back indoors with a new
friend. Or… an old friend. He’s Ulman, I don’t know if that tells
you anything. He gave me a neat silenced automatic rifle
that I dropped after taking a few test shots. More of the same was next. Close quarters, little ammo, lot of people
to kill. The only upside is that the enemies are spread
throughout the station in groups of 2 or 3 or 4. Take out one group in one area then move on
to the next. It’s time consuming and annoying as all
hell when you’re working with single digit amounts of bullets, but’s not impossible. Turning off the generator cuts the power and
makes you harder to detect, allowing you to fire from the shadows with a lesser chance
of being detected. I got through the station, had a heart attack
when my HDMI cable had a stroke, I had a dream of spring, this is the closest you’re gonna
get to seeing that book so you’d better enjoy it, and at long last, I made it to Polis
to deliver Hunter’s message. Fuck that, he’s dead he doesn’t matter,
what’s more important is that I could finally buy more ammo. Miller looked like someone,
but I couldn’t quite figure out who it was. Maybe Squidward? No, probably not him. As expected, the council refused to help my
station. Miller had a plan, we’re gonna skip World
War 4, go straight to World War 6, World War 5 is a prequel and doesn’t count, and launch
missiles at the Dark Ones. This game though, this fucking game man. I had all the ammo in the world and what happens? I’m swarmed by mole people at the Library’s
entrance. Miller arrived after I had wasted most of
my ammo because of course it happens this way. I’m not allowed to experience pleasure. Nobody gets me, so if you’ll excuse me,
I’m gonna go express my teenage angst by listening to Pain by Three Days Grace while
my mom drives me to school. … I will say this about the Library, it got
me an achievement. You should always look for the silver linings. You may have gotten hit by a drunk driver
but you get to ride in an ambulance which is kinda neat. Not $8000 for a 3 minute ride neat, but still
neat. Getting into the depths of the Library involved
a series of puzzles a pre-schooler could solve, a group of mole people attacked, a giant feral
parrot attacked one of our comrades, and I had to retrieve the D6 map on my own. This was the most stealth-oriented part of
the game by a metric mile. There are these big, like, zombie sorta gorilla
things to contend with. The Wiki calls them Librarians which is fair,
they’re about as attractive as a librarian. One did the classic horror movie move of grabbing
me through a wall. Then it assaulted me in the next room and
ran off after I stored a few bullets inside his body. I hit him with 2 or 6 shots, didn’t seem
to faze him all that much. Practically speaking, I can’t kill them. But when all was lost, combat parrot returned
to save the day, then Library girl fought back and I thought I was getting a Pixar moment,
one slowly approached me and I approached it. It killed me real quick. The next time around I ignored it and ran
for the door. I kept creeping my way through the Library,
most of the gorillas can be snuck passed, even the sound of a collapsing stone staircase
isn’t enough to draw their attention. One tried to corner me in an office, it didn’t
know that I’m a virtual parkour master, I evaded it, checked a bunch of drawers in
what may be the most frustrating cutscene of all time, got the map, made my way out
of the library off-screen, got picked up by mustard or whatever his name is, and we rode
together to Sparta. The military guys here were so nice. They gave me free weapons, supplies, and ammo. Khan was here. I said “hi”, Miller said we were headed
to D6, and we rode the trolley into the station. Brain problems struck again. They asked me if I was okay and I naturally
responded with nothing. The inability to speak is a telltale sign
of a stroke. A new toy was given to me here: a fucking
flamethrower. I didn’t use it. Seemed horrifically impractical against a
bunch of monsters coming at us from a confined tunnel. I got by just okay with my revolver. Comrades did a lot of the work for me. Yeah, I had very little ammo left, but I’ve
been here before. This fuck spammed me with invites to play
Apex Legends, I don’t play those baby games, I’m a real gamer, I play Roblox. The dungeons here were fun. There was hardly any revolver ammo but it
wasn’t necessary. There were a bunch of military guys with me. All I had to do was run in circles while they
did all the shooting. Each area progressively got larger and more
filled with mole people as we went deeper into the building. I got hit a few times, but that was about
all that happened. One guy got dragged into the darkness and
laughed as he blew himself up. I too plan on laughing when I die. Laughing at the bottom of the ocean will be
a challenge but I’ll find some way to make it work. We found the door to D6, I went under the
blast door and it trapped me on the other side. I was alone again, naturally. And to make matters worse, scorpions crawled
out from the walls. They’re fast, take more than a few bullets
to kill, and are annoying to kill. So I didn’t. Like all things that have the potential to
kill me, I ignored the problem until it went away. Once I reunited with the crew, a train saved
the day and gave us a free ride into the forgotten depths of the facility. Now we’re in the thick of it, we’re at
the Command Center. The center was gross. There was fog everywhere, more fog than I
drove through last year. That was a fun time. Fog is more fun than snow. Wilbur or whatever his name is told me to
go up to the rafters and flip a couple switches, we played simon says where he said to do a
thing and I did it, the power was restored, and the four of us rode a smaller trolly down
into the darkness. Then it stopped. The littlest train you’ve ever seen brute
forced its way through the door, Vladimir tried to activate the missiles but there was
a problem, Miller, Ulman, and I had to go fix it. Those bloopy things from Super Mario Sunshine
created a little home for themselves down here. They’re also suicidal. But it just so happens that Miller can’t
die. I stayed back as far as I could while those
little biohazards threw themselves at Miller. I had to conserve my ammo in case their suicidal
tendencies spread to me, or if I stepped in something that resembled a slug. I wouldn’t be able to go on if that happened. One more elevator ride got us down the the
heart of darkness, the biomass thing that feeds on the reactor. I shot it once and determined that it is immortal,
all-knowing, and very pretty. To get the thing back online, I had to play
the crane game. I wasn’t lowering the grabber low enough
to lift the cores, and subsequently got melted. The next time I did things properly and lifted
all the things. With day almost saved, Miller and I rode towards
our destiny. The Tower. Where it all began, only this time I have
my revolvers instead of a worthless automatic rifle. I used more of my ammo than I should have,
my parrot betrayed me for the last time, and I got saved by my only remaining comrade. I repaid him by shooting nothing and running
in circles. If it worked in the civil war it should work
for me. There were three of these sections where we
got stopped by a few of the mole people who were brave enough to break away from the pack. He pressed onward and didn’t defend me like
he was supposed to, causing me to die. I then did what I thought was smart: I ignored
all the mole people and ran towards the tower, assuming that if I waited long enough the
other guy would show up. Well, he never did. The monsters weren’t allowed inside by the
laws of this universe, so I had that going for me, not that it mattered since I couldn’t
make progress without Miller. I reloaded the checkpoint to try again, attempted
to help Miller a little more than I did last time, then he teleported back to the other
side of the building. This time, I fought the monsters and stayed
close to Miller. Then something insta-killed me. Then it happened again. Even with all of the nosalises dead, one spawned
from nowhere and killed me. A glitch, it would seem, that was verified
by some person in some forum years ago. I had to reload the chapter, which mean starting
back at the car scene. I immediately ran towards certain doom to
advance the story. And again, misfortune has its benefits as
I got another achievement. I fired a few shots in each of the mole people
assault sections to… I don’t know… show God that I was willing
to do my part, I guess. This time, we got through the nosalises in
the fence in area, entered the tower, Miller ripped out some part of the elevator, and
we rode to the top. I almost fell off, but almost doesn’t count
unless you’re playing Russian Roulette or Chutes and Ladders. I jumped off to see what would happen, as
any reasonable person would, and began scaling the tower to reach Miller. This parrot tackled him into the wall, he
probably broke a few things in the process. I was right next to him when it happened,
I was fine, he was probably faking. As usual, I must go it alone. The ladder began falling apart as I climbed
up. This was easier than what I imagined the end
of the game would be. Being up so high, I expected to be fighting
off a bunch of feral parrots. That didn’t happen. It was some basic platforming accompanied
by voices in my head that were born during one of my many strokes. I did throw some dynamite though, I figured
the top of the world was an appropriate place to use it for the first time. Finally, I reached the top, planted the target
locator, and the voices overwhelmed me enough to transfer me to a dream. Endermen were everywhere and there puzzles. A survival horror first person shooter ends
with fucking puzzles. They’re not even good, all you’re doing
is running down a series of hallways and going whatever direction to avoid the red light
guy. A few jumps are necessary, if you mess up
you fall off the tower, and it comes full circle. At very beginning I was told “if it’s
hostile, you kill it”, and that’s exactly what I did. With my trusty revolver I fired 3 shots into
one of the Dark Ones, I woke up, was immediately confused because I my hands were green, I
forgot I was wearing gloves, the final cutscene played, showing the missiles landing and obliterating
the Dark Ones, and I did not beat Metro 2033 with only a revolver.